Learning to Feel
by ZombieBuddha
Summary: Simon has never been very good with emotions, but after Amy's death Kieren is hurting and Simon wants to help. Simon/Kieren one shot. Hope you enjoy! In The Flesh and it's character's in no way belongs to me, unfortunately.


Some people were born to look after others; they could read people's emotions and instantly know how to react, what to do and what to say. It came naturally to them, to hold and to sooth, to know when to speak and when not to. It was a gift that only few possessed, and Simon was not one of those people. He never knew how to handle strong emotions, not his own and not others, preferring to flee the scene until it was safe to return rather than lurk awkwardly at the side all stiff limbs and mumbled words, and until now that had been fine. No one had ever needed, ever _expected_ him to be there because he never allowed himself to get close to anybody. Even when he was at the commune, or after that with the other redeemed in Roarton, he was simply following instructions. Back then, he had no one to look after. That was not true any more.

At the hospital, when Amy's body had been brought in covered in blood, Simon had been too shocked to even think. He had stood there, frozen and silent as he watched Kieren hold onto her lifeless hand and Philip, falling apart beside him. He knew he should say something, do something to comfort the two men but his throat felt dry and he could not move, so he had just stood there and stared as the life that was so new and so incredible slip from his friend's body.

Afterwards, when everyone was preparing for the funeral, he'd stayed in the background. He felt so hideously responsible for Amy's death, and that on top of the guilt at how close he had come to actually killing Kieren that day was suffocating him in a way he did not know how to handle. So he remained hovering at the corner of things, watching as Kieren struggled through the pain he was sure he had caused and feeling utterly helpless.

The night of the Funeral, Simon stayed over at the Walker's house on Sue's insistence. Ever since he had saved Kieren that day in the graveyard the Walkers had drastically warmed up to him; Steve kept trying to get him to come around for 'Movie Marathon Night', Sue invited him to dinner every evening and Jem' had told Simon one day that he was 'Alright' which, according to Kieren, was to be taken as highest praise. So there he was, sat awkwardly on the edge of Kieren's too small bed while he waiting for the boy himself to finish getting changed in the bathroom. He felt too old and to young all at once and so out of place among the paintings and books and everything else that was Kieren. They hadn't spoken about Simon's disappearance since Amy's death, Kieren had been too busy following the instruction's she had left him and focusing on notfalling apart that he had not had time to think about anything else. It still weighed on Simon's mind, however. He knew that now the funeral was over, Kieren would ask him about his trip to the city and once Simon admitted what he had almost done he was not sure if Kieren would forgive him.

He had spent his entire life running away from his emotions, and yet now he sat in this strange and yet completely familiar room, his senses flooded with Kieren, he had never felt so numb. He couldn't do this; he couldn't stay around these people, all of them _feeling_ so much all the time. It was overwhelming. He got to his feet, grabbing his jacket from the bed beside him and pulled the door open. He stumbled blindly out of the room and onto the landing and had just put his foot on the top step when he froze. For a moment he thought he had imagined it but then he heard it again, a soft sound coming from the bathroom. Kieren, _his _Kieren, was crying. He moved slowly over to the bathroom door and silently pushed the door open. He was sat on the closed lid of the toilet, dressed in an old grey t-shirt and a pair of loose, flannel pyjama bottoms. His elbows were resting on his knees, body bent over and his entire frame shaking as his hands clenched in his hair. He was letting out small, quiet gasps of air, clearly not wanting to be heard and tears rolled down his pale face. Simon stared at him for a moment, his chest aching as he watched the boy before him break, and then it hit him suddenly, with such force he almost rocked with the realisation. He would do anything and everything in his power to protect this man. He did not know how he would do it, but he knew, just like he had known that day in the graveyard when he saw Kieren fight off the Blue Oblivion, only now he understood it. This boy who he had known for so short a time, this boy who would rather die than hurt somebody, this boy who saw Simon as a person rather than a disciple, he had walked into Simon's life and taken complete control. It shocked him that he did not mind. He no longer felt useless or out of place, he knew what to do and how to do it. So he dropped his jacket and moved to kneel beside Kieren. Carefully, he prised the boy's hands from his hair and wrapped his arms around his slightly smaller frame.

"I'm here." He promises, "I've got you."


End file.
